Last Days Together

Friday, November 28, 2014

It seems common to internalize and privatize miscarriage, and that is 100% fine.  It is a hard and incomprehensible act that we may never fully understand.  However,  I choose to publicize our story because this is OUR LIFE.  This is OUR REALITY.  Just as it was with Gwen, we cannot cope on our own.  We are human and we need your prayers.  We have received an outpouring of love and support since my last post.  For that, we thank you.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

It has been one week since they "say" your heart stopped beating.  I knew it wouldn't be easy, but Jesse and I ventured out to do some shopping to get our mind off things.  "How far along are you?" strangers asked. "3 months" I say (with a forced smile) as I turn my body with the hopes to avoid anymore questions.  Pregnancy seems everywhere.  Everywhere but within me.

It's only been 5 days since our appointment when we learned you could have passed, 5 days.  Like it was with Gwen,  our world seems to have stopped and everyone else's just keeps moving on.  I know in time this will hurt a little less, but the thought that you could be gone is so new, so fresh, and so very painful.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The next 24 hours seem like an eternity as we sit and wait to see you on the ultrasound tomorrow.  It will be our confirmation ultrasound to determine what steps come next.  We have prayed for you,  we have grieved for you, and I have rubbed my belly more in the last week than the last three months.

Still no symptoms.

Monday, December 1, 2014

The ultrasound confirmed that your physical body remains within me, but your soul indeed has gone to Heaven.

Until the time comes to physically part, I will cherish our last days together... love you.