It Is...The End of May

My Dear Sweet Bowen, 

Do you know what today is? Today would have been your "birth" day.  Today is the day I was scheduled to have a c-section.  Today is the day your dad would have curled you up on his chest, rocked you back and forth, and hummed "Three Little Birds" in your ear to sooth you just like he did with Gwen and Quinten.   Today is the day your sister would have laughed hysterically everytime you cried.  Today is the day your brother would have squeezed you too tight because he was so nervous to meet you.  Today would have been an amazing day...

Today we came to your graveside.  Today we sang "Happy Birthday".  Today we celebrate you....

 

I find great healing in music and when this song played, it was so what I needed in this moment.

Never Far From Me 

by Josh Garrison

Any time I feel low

I just don't know how you know

You are never far from me

You are never far from me

Once again, there goes the phone

How could you possibly know

You are never far from me

You are never far from me

Before the time that you go

There is something you should know

You will always be in me

You are never far from me

We love you,  

Mommy, Daddy, Gwen, and Quinten

Steps in the Right Direction

If I could ever be so worthy....

The Special Mother

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

Today Gwen graduated Kindergarten (insert sad face here) with all of her (typical) peers!  The graduates wore shirts with self drawn portraits and put on an adorable musical medley for the families. 

Gwen has had a very productive year.  We have been able to test various types of equipment and fun adapted toys.  Some have been great and some have been total flops!  I'm just grateful to give Gwen new experiences that she may not otherwise have!

   

People constantly ask, "Will Gwen ever walk?  Will Gwen ever talk?"  

I cannot answer that, only God knows. 

However with A LOT of HARD WORK, A LOT of REPETITION, and A LOT of PATIENCE Gwen can now take reciprocal steps in her walker, access her iPad with head and hand switches, hold her head erect in various positions for long periods of time without fatiguing, and vocalize purposefully during turn taking activities. 

Gwen Therapy Progress Video Link

We will ALWAYS be learning how to "teach" Gwen.  We are just so grateful and thankful for the support system that surrounds us to help this little girl be the best she can be!