The cemetery provided us with a tiny beige casket, no bigger than a bread loaf pan, with a soft green sheep fleece pillow/blanket inside. In an attempt to aid the healing process, the cemetery also suggested to decorate the outside of the casket (as a family) and fill it with memorable items (I guess you could think of it as our way of decorating your nursery).
Inside the casket we placed the following:
Grandma Magee gave you a lace hanky from her wedding day (the same one I used on our wedding day),
Grandma Linda gave you a ladybug rosary that she has used to pray with during her battle (and win!) with cancer this past year,
Gwen gave you a Christmas ornament she made in school,
Quinten gave you his favorite red truck, and
Daddy and I gave you a picture of us and a medal of St. Jude (Healing Prayer to St. Jude*).
This afternoon I picked up a 24 hour transit permit and went back to the hospital, only this time I did not leave empty handed. I handed your casket to the lab, they laid you inside with all the special items we picked for you, they sealed it closed, and then handed you back over to me. I clutched you tightly as I left the hospital with tears of joy (and sadness) because I was thrilled to bring you home one last time!
Tonight it was just us. Daddy rocked you in his chair, Gwen and Quinten sat with you watching cartoons, and I laid with you one last time.
December 23, 2014
Bowen Eugene,
On the evening we found out your heart stopped beating, I needed some space. I turned on the radio and just cried alone in the bedroom. "End of May" by Michael Buble played in the background and it was so peaceful, so calming, so what I needed in that very moment. I had never heard this song before in my life, but it has stuck with me ever since.
We weren't supposed to officially greet you until the end of May, but today (the birthday of a very special woman in my life) we laid you to rest. We wrote messages on blue balloons and released them to heaven. I know you got them because you sent us back a beautiful rainbow out of nowhere (watch for it at the end of the video)!
I think of you everyday and I cry a lot. I know the pain of losing you will never go away, but I am blessed that God gave me you and I will cherish that I was able to hold you every second of your life.
It has been an honor to share YOUR story...OUR story.
Love,
Mommy
(If unable to view video on phone, try viewing it on computer.
Or go to YouTube and search "In Loving Memory of Baby Bowen")
* A Healing Prayer to St. Jude
Most holy Apostle, St. Jude, friend of Jesus, I place myself in your care at this difficult time. Pray for me; help me know that I need not face my troubles alone. Please join me in my need, asking God to send me consolation in my sorrow, courage in my fear, and healing in the midst of my suffering. Ask our loving God to fill me with the grace to accept whatever may lie ahead for me and my loved ones, and to strengthen my faith in God's healing power. Thank you, St. Jude, for the promise of hope you hold out to all who believe, and inspire me to give this gift of hope to others as it has been given to me. Amen.
