So far my pregnancy has been completely "normal"; fatigue, daily vomiting, nausea, mood swings, weight gain, etc.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
It's our first prenatal appointment. After reviewing previous pregnancies, history, etc., the doctor could not locate your heartbeat with the Doppler. According to the doctor this was not a big deal because you were only 8 weeks, not 10 weeks (like we had thought)! We went in for an ultrasound. There you were, a little person with a very strong heartbeat!
Jesse and I arrived at our routine 12 week check-up. I was still experiencing all of the same "normal" pregnancy symptoms. In fact I had my daily throw-up in the shower just before our appointment, so everything seemed right on cue! We reviewed all of my previous lab work, which was normal. Once again they could not locate your heartbeat with the Doppler so we had another ultrasound. We didn't even think anything of it, in fact I was excited to peek at you again!
Then it happened. Your beautiful growing body appeared on the screen in front of us, but after what seemed like an eternity of searching, your heartbeat in fact, could not be located. Jesse and I looked at eachother in disbelief. This is not what we expected, planned for, talked about, or even considered would ever happen to us.
It was 12 weeks and 5 days, and you measured 12 weeks and 3 days. So whatever happened, literally just happened.
We were left in the room alone to process what we had just found out. We sobbed. How can this be? I've had no symptoms to think that anything could be wrong. We were told we can return for a confirmation ultrasound within the next few days when we were ready and also given paperwork for a burial at a local cemetery.
Really? Are we seriously planning a funeral?!? This is not happening! This is not happening! Please God, wake me up from this nightmare!
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
I am 13 weeks today and still no symptoms of a miscarriage. In fact I have felt constant fluttering and movement since our visit 48 hours ago when we found out you had no heartbeat. What is happening? Could the doctor be wrong? Are you infact gone and my body still think it's pregnant? This is not fair!
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Today is Thanksgiving and still no symptoms. As I walked out of the bathroom this morning, out of the clear blue, my two year old greeted me with, "Mom, Baby all gone". How could he know this? Is this God's peaceful way of telling us your journey here in the physical world has ended? If this is the case, then I am forever thankful for.....12 weeks and 3 days.
